HOW TO BEAT GTA 5

James: We become. Bruce: Who? Lawrence: Ok. James: Them. Lawrence: Yes.

Bruce: Who’s them? (wheeze) Lawrence: That! James: That! Lawrence: They-ey… (Wheeze Laugh) Adam: Who? Lawrence: The-yahum!

James: Yes. Lawrence: Those… Adam: Lawrence, what are we doing? Lawrence: It’s “Crazy Race”… 10. Bruce: What do we do?

Lawrence: Uh… it’s… man… you’re just… James: Oh, great line-up there, Adam, Lawrence: You know what this is… Bruce: (Wheeze) James: Way to pick your spot! Lawrence: This is a race extravaganza! Bruce: Oh, a “race-stravaganza”! Lawrence: Yeah!

James: Adam picked a really good… Adam: Huh… James: He’s got his racing lines there… James: Two wheels off and there’s a thing in front of him. Lawrence: There he goes, zoom! Lawrence: Let’s do it! Adam: That’s what I say everytime I get a power.

James: Alright, loop up! Adam: I say “Zoom, let’s go!” James: Hands off the wheel!

Bruce: Oh yeah, don’t touch it… Lawrence: Don’t touch it. Bruce: And then go. Lawrence: There you go, you’re doing it. James: Ohhhh! Bruce: Ohhhh! Adam: (coughs) James: Lightning McQueen!

Bruce: You’re doing it! Adam: Am I? Lawrence: Hit that ramp! Lawrence: Did it! Bruce: Where’s what ramp?

James: That ramp! Lawrence: Whoosh! James: The toilet tube! Lawrence: Goooooo-no! Lawrence: Oh wait, I think you’re good, I think you’re good. Bruce: You can get to the, underneath it, right?

Adam: Yeah, hold on. Lawrence: Yeah? James: You got it. Adam: Move! Lawrence: (Posh British Lady Voice) You got it. Bruce: You got it!

You got it. James: You got it! Bruce: You got it.

James: Now what? Bruce: You got it. Adam: I…

I just squeeze under. Bruce: No, you already touched it, you already touched it. You touched it. Lawrence: You already got it. James: You already touched it.

Bruce: You touched it. You got it! You touched it! Lawrence: Look at the mini map. Bruce: You touched it!

You got it! Turbid: Went over the jump, that doesn’t count. Bruce: Oh, Turbid’s giving us strategies. James: Yeah. Yeah. Bruce: (wheeze) Lawrence: Well, see this is how you work it… Adam: Hey guys, Turbid… James: Well when I did it… Lawrence: Wow!

Bruce: What’s up! Lawrence: You fucked him up. Adam: Turbid here with some “Hot Strats”.

Bruce: Yeah… Bruce: Turbid your Game Bro here! (wheeze) (Shitty music playing) James: Here’s a pro tip: James: Make sure you have noise cancelling headphones so you can’t hear your parents arguing. Bruce: (laughs) Lawrence: (high pitched stuttered laughter) Adam: (laughs) Lawrence: Bwoorm! Bruce: Whoa! James: That’s perfect speed for it too!

Bruce: Nice job, Adam, uh-oh. Lawrence: Adam, you’re doing it. Bruce: Oh! Lawrence: You’re doing it, buddy! Oh!

James: (orgasmic) Oh, Adam, that was brilliant! James: That was (unintelligible) save that one. Lawrence: Stick the landing! Bruce: That’s ok, he got it, he got it. Adam: Hold on!

Right yourself like Vin Diesel’s friend Paul Walker! Bruce: Aaaaaaaaaand… Perfect just like Toretto!

Unknown Player: Well if you can get through the loop, then… Lawrence: Oh boy, they’re giving each other all kinds of tips. Adam: God, man. Bruce: I know. Adam: Game Bro tips over here.

Bruce: (wheeze) Bruce: Watch out! (laughs) James: I sorry I missed this one, sorry! (Music Cue) Bruce: Alrighty, Hey guys if you want to beat the level on… James: That guy got it! He landed right in a tree!

Bruce: On the “Legend of Zelda” sing the “Song of Sorrows” and, uh… Adam: (laughs) (Music Cue) James: Nailed it! Yup. Bruce: (Wheeze) was a thing on a watch of yours you don’t want your mom coming in while you’re taking on Ganon especially if it’s Friday that’s a bad day what’s the paychecks come in the fighting starts hey do yourself a favor go ahead and record about 45 minutes of yourself slapping wet meat so that way you can play it while you’re sleeping which means that when your mom’s getting beat up you won’t even wake up sensitization is the name of the game folks following along for the song of time in peacock CC my special remix with Amit’s laughs so peaceful look like a baby you wake up so rested unlike your mother yeah you might not wake up at all all right loop around come on up on the wall Oh Gabriel tip next time go straight you’re in third place yeah you can do this that’s a bronze medal we’re halfway through the rice ball which if you shine it enough it might hold open this Oh Oh bounce it off the street like this isn’t oh you can catch up I’ll note your turtle or you see Adams instincts were there though he went wait a minute what happened to him he tried to wreck those Havasu you later yeah you got tricked that’s racers instinct though protip have better reflexes than your mom that’s cry no no okay running back I’ll just make it last longer so it’s best to go then so just take it are we really tackling a domestic abuse Oh was actually anything just like your mom in the suit school oh wow was a dick move Bronwyn you want my meat slabs el de remix got em together man helicopter on the roof try it again you can get out you can get out here there we go III as low-income housing that’s cool like the idea of deranged millionaires driving supercars to the low-income housing is not evil come on great equalizer Adam Oh No and bye-bye bye-bye map Oh like I did oh Jesus Christ Oh third it’s good luck oh you jumped out you could have jumped out like Superman so okay let’s say Superman’s in a car uh-huh I just sit there in the car yeah could he like wheel his lies and his legs just start flying up and parity sitting in the car flying around in the car even though he’s just holding the car up and flying yeah of course he could so he has a point cause he can carry mass with him right oh yeah so why doesn’t why my with a guarding in a car during Freddie run cuz that’s dumb okay brother you’re putting tips and make sure you look out for when you’re down in a bottle you know your dad seemed angry or perturbed in any way you should leave the house the fuck out what’s the song as storms play the song a storm oh do do do oh don’t hit me don’t hit me he please leave my mom alone oh my god a new low that mustache bullshit if you if you’re not 65 years old and you you cannot style you’ll your facial hair you can’t I can grow that facial hair to no end and I don’t do that dumb bullshit because it’s ain’t no nineteen fucking eighteen so fucking if you’re 65 years old you can do it but if you’re twenty five dull are you doing slam poetry oh man I wish it was you shoulda saw my mustache you just get those boots so easy the timing has never changed fix the chain you’ll see if you can get first place or not Yeah right won’t we please already Oh would you pass him you ever taken you nice job over take it we’ve got this right mom firs Oh hold it you know you’re like Highline whatever might kill a man handle I don’t think you could you know a hostile so you’re saying we move yeah yeah here we go – it’s an illegal do illegal things basically anywhere but yeah go on yeah is there a place where you can just go punch somebody well it’s a Fight Club that’s called boxing yeah but I guys gonna fight back Oh Oh someone just beat up on one game fifty bucks and she’s like I’m gonna punch you in the face bet you could pay a Thai lady boy and you can beat up on them yeah why would you want to do that you wouldn’t have to pay him because you could beat up on him have sex with beautiful and then you give him 300 ollars now that order could have driven around him you could have ramped it up now you go around the circle ramps are these are not ideal ramping so you want me to try and ramp this ya know around the circle if he crashes nothing in life is ideal yeah just new cat-like reflexes what’s this oh here comes now rabbit right rip oh he says this is not a good ramping tunnel just a movie this is a real bad there’s too much junk inside the guy who model that did too good of a job that was a bad idea come on there’s so much junk in there everyone James a great time Carlos you don’t know ups bad decent ramp don’t freak out but this guy’s gonna pass me even though I’m in first place stop pumping me don’t let me have it no no just like oh you son of a bitch you couldn’t really be shit he’ll be 2 pi yeah just be the list you’re gonna get it 1 laughing dear much I can do it Oh texture really loaded in a real you’re still in first though you’re still in first no you’re in fifth fourth third oh he got Electra gypsy one sorry man I bet on him I think oh good maybe not no I bet on that other hardcore guy who’s gonna ya got an Iron Man it I don’t really give a shit oh you should though no he could have gone around as soon as he bumped me for no reason to shoot I said I don’t care anymore because he wants to win more than I do so he deserves it he was worried about you Eden good my plenty Oh getting away from you yeah good luck buddy ladies please nice job girl but I guess I didn’t I just didn’t have it on me we didn’t care enough I didn’t have it in me you know who does Lawrence what’s the shirt side Ryan with zombie guerrilla the name of Johnny Depp’s band is Vinewood zombie no Hollywood Undead close Hollywood vampire I know it’s really stupid I remember I read that desert it I would have rather been called like Josh in the Pirates projectile iPhone what shiver your Timbers any word and this is her hands oh okay but not that wasn’t a sound right actually judges will go back to find out who brought us here Adam come with that I’m come animate an Edward and this is no you didn’t you said something else I didn’t get that oh boy thanks go well you didn’t get that good to start over place Lawrence isn’t after the ones just for what’s one goes away and then oh yeah banks lied on your belly and then five full reverse power this is awesome bull reverse oh shit oh shit we just do it perfect landing Wow end away you made it whole what are you doing I don’t know little by little house get nice moon over the X Games I’m good huh you might see me make this jump I don’t think so I got it oh no turning back that’s my catchphrase I say it all the time okay yeah never enough Lawrence now never ever give up that’s my catchphrase uh-huh I’m gonna put it on a shirt no crash never given a wall there every about this is why we call Matt one Karl are oh yeah well our that’s that’s that’s what we call them either no buts are giving up anymore he’s just gave up a box you wanna go what up one Karl are there we go how you doing that’s it yeah oh nice one Carl are you got it too much too much our Lord will recover and oh oh oh look all you to Carl are now are if this thing doesn’t work out for you Lawrence you could always be a used car salesman and it means cars cars cars cars cuz already yeah you have to do it now I like to pick my career based off what my name rhymes are so James would be James James lanes James Bowie OE man James James James fucking shame shallow why the fuck is Bruce’s juices versus goodies you see everything uh actually lots of things right they seem to be out of gooses maybe I know someone that could go get small juice I got large juice I got mitten goose they’re only five dollars it some people call me crazy but I call this out Bruce you know Lawrence insurance fuck yeah the charts large shorts I got a say insurance you only want some small insurance some ok so that’s why I call myself Lawrence as Madam’s oh it’s a lot more him but well he doesn’t sell the women oh yes women that will hire other women yeah yeah come on down Alice Merren I got me a medium as like a large Madam’s I got small bands people want the Madam’s I got the matters to tell the girls mine is crazy Adam yeah Elisa’s police aya please I got things like smoke please media please me please come on down this weekend for police tired of getting robbed we’re beat up by your spouse call us Chris Brown Oh whole circle yep all the way around like the bruises on Rihanna’s face hmm wait Bruce’s Bruce’s Bruce’s bruises come on out of reds and browns okay hey get get large bruises you get large extra large bruises oh losses juices good I do a job the sperm bank no bandages I wouldn’t drink so Peaks is a positive a clinic Peaks cheeks beans cheese they only do a surgery junkie you got your cheeks too big yet chic so small we got medium-size jeans for you ha ha you want that Jake’s you all round cheeks we got pink cheeks we got cheeks with ABS on them it makes sense but we got them some people call me crazy I call what’s up E have you found a better deal on cheeks I’ll beat it like Britta ha ha you know like a rhyming joke sweetie you don’t like dr. Seuss doc she’s a great guy you’re the not see what sure his wife had cancer and he cheated on her fuck you haveno dr. Seuss you’re gonna get a DNF Lawrence am i yeah you’re right come on Lawrence this you’re almost there oh you only get one shot at this one chance when I mom’s sphaghetti you’re right so now you got it oh my god timing on the six red five oh forget e 4 we’re gonna really spaghetti to one good spaghetti spaghetti again yeah I guess I don’t know I think you’ve got it come on baby – wait yeah this nice team victory lie there somewhere that’s why it’s called Mars used cars Hey Oh God all right we’re got a second time around every sales deal I will sell you a car in the 29th second every time I’m just glad we didn’t land on a domestic abuse joke here we go yeah I got it yes hi oh this is good strategy she’s you know come on Ally see me I was hiding here in there’s kokosh down low oh wow a body okay go get in there get a nice you’re good worried shot it no it’s good sure hi does they see you they just watch my walk in the bush